Pipe dreams

You know when you have an idea that’s a really, really bad idea but it just won’t go away? To put it in common internet phraseology… that! And when someone who’s planning to tackle 100 miles of trails around the Lake District says that they’ve got an idea and it may be a bad idea then, well, context is everything.

As I may have mentioned five or six times before, I used to be a sprinter and long jumper. I also used to be young, weigh 12.5 stone and have hair on my head. The last time I took part in a long jump competition was at Walton Athletics Club’s track back in 1999? Possibly 2000? I’ve got it written down somewhere. Back in March, after moving house for the second time in a year, I found my track spikes. They were hardly worn. In the back of my head, a little voice said “Hey! Wouldn’t it be fun to do Long Jump again.” To which the neurons in my legs rather rapidly transmitted a message to my brain saying something along the lines of “You have got to be fucking kidding!” Then it went something like this:

BRAIN: “But come on, it’d be interesting to see how it feels!”

LEGS: “We, your legs, would break. Then how would you get around? Also, explosive power? We don’t do that anymore. You can blame the Belly for that.”

BELLY: “Hey! Leave me out of this! Oh, and take me to the pub please.”

BRAIN: “Okay, so that’s no to the Long Jump then. Shame, because I bet those spikes still feel really comfortable.”

LEGS: “We are not going to be doing any Long Jumping. Ever. Again.”

BRAIN: “What about a 400m race?”

LEGS: “We never did 400m. Ever. Apart from those couple of times when there were hurdles in the way.”

BRAIN: “Yeah, but what about those 400m intervals we did. You know, 12 of them. Managed those alright didn’t we?”

LEGS: “Well, yes, but thats–”

BRAIN: “Managed them quite quickly too did’t we?”

LEGS: “…”

BRAIN: “That’s not an objection!”

Luckily for all parties, nothing came of that. Apart from anything, do you know how hard it is to find out when an open meeting is taking place anywhere?

Until today, that is, when I found out that the British Masters Track & Field Championships are taking place in Derby on the 21st & 22nd July. I’m free that day. Derby’s only a couple of hours away. It could work…

But it’s also a week before the UTLD100 and you know what will happen if I go and do it, don’t you?